Breaking the Addiction to Our (Ex)
Partners
Being 'addicted' to an ex partner has
everything to do with familiarity. They have been there for probably enough
time to get under your skin. You share jokes with each other, you may even
share a language nobody else understands. You just have to look at each other
and know what the other person is thinking. However, you just can't make
the relationship work. Either you are still too different, have different
goals in life, or other obstacles stand in your way.
Either way, most of us can say we get
into a situation at times where we form an addiction of a sort to our ex
partners. We keep thinking about them, seek them out and even get back together,
just to realize why you were not together anymore shortly after. The circle
can continue itself for a while after, for some people until they meet someone
new.
There are ways of breaking the spell
with your ex though. One of them is harder than it sounds: take distance!
Agree not to call each other for a while and give each other space. You need
to focus on yourself without being tempted back into the familiarity
trap.
Get a hobby
This is an often ignored given. Focusing
on a, preferably new, hobby or activity does not only distract you, it get's
you exposed to a completely new social circle.
Meeting new people can expand your horizons
and is very healthy when you are going through a breakup-grieving process.
It is by no means meant as a way for you to meet someone new to date! You
need to give yourself some time first and stay away from the rebound
relationships. However, meeting new people does bring a spark back into life
itself, and may keep you from going back to your old familiar routine (with
your ex!) when "new life" is calling.
Make a list
Compile a list of reasons why you should
not go back to your ex. This is not meant as a way of dishonoring the good
you had, or making him/her look bad. It is rather a way of reminding yourself
why you are better off in your current, unfamiliar, new situation. If you
were the one dumped, still try to make this list. If the relationship ended,
it was not working out for some reason, and you would probably be able to
recognize or at least acknowledge some of those reasons.
Spend time with friends
Looking up old, and new, friends will
keep your social agenda filled. The least amount of time you spend moping
on your couch the better! Staring at a TV screen or just being lonely and
miserable will tempt you to invite your ex to come over and share the misery
with you. They will probably not do that, but instead they will either reject
you (making you feel worse), or be just as tempted and you could find yourself
in and out of the old relationship. Not a healthy situation by
far!
You may also want to read How to
Get Over a Breakup.
You may also be interested in reading
Win Back Your Ex.